The Father's Impact and role in Kid's life- After Separation

 This Unsung hero who has done always the maximum sacrifices is always taken granted without consideration but they have impact to their children, as well as society overall. There are tremendous advantages that are afforded to children who have active, involved fathers during childhood and adolescence. There is very urgent need to improve the health and well-being of children and families by empowering fathers to be knowledgeable, active, and emotionally engaged with their children, researchers found the specific impacts of of father’s role on childhood development.

Here are some Important facts which can be seen for the development of the kids:

• Fathers and the kids can be equally as attached as we consider for mothers. When both parents are involved with the child, they are attached to both parents from the beginning of their life.
• Father involvement is related to positive child health outcomes in kids , such as improved weight gain in the infants because it always comes from the genes father have.
• Father’s authoritative parenting (love and care with clear boundaries and expectations) leads to better emotional, academic, social, and behavioral outcomes for children. Hence a father is giving sense of responsibilities with discipline.
• There is study by the researchers in Finland that those kids have been attached emotionally with the fathers and blessed with a caring father are more likely to be successful twice as likely as those who do not connect well with fathers, 45% less likely to spend time in illegal activities, and half as likely to experience multiple depression symptoms.
• Fathers plays a very significant role in child development. Father absence hinders development from early infancy through childhood and into adulthood. The psychological effect of father absence experienced during childhood persists throughout the life course of the kid.
• The quality of the father-child relationship matters more than the specific amount of hours he spends with the kids. Non-resident fathers also can have positive effects on children’s social and emotional well-being, as well as academic achievement and behavioral adjustment.
• The much Father and Kids have bonding the more sociability, confidence, and self-control in children is seen. Children with bonding with fathers are less likely to act out in school or engage in risky behaviors in adolescence.
• Children with well bond with fathers are: 43% more likely to earn A’s in school and 33% less likely to repeat a grade than those without fathers.
• Father engagement reduces the frequency of behavioral problems in boys while also decreasing delinquency and economic disadvantage in low-income families.
• Father’s bonding reduces psychological problems and rates of depression in young women.

"Overall, the impact that fathers can make is substantial. Just as there are many positive aspects to father involvement, the effects of father absence can be detrimental as well. Which is again leading kids life towards a very doubtful future."

Father Absence

According to the research done by Ministry of HRD on the well-being of children are extremely low in regard to social and emotional well-being in particular raised by Single parents specially by mothers (Ref. Economic Survey 2011 by Planning commission of India). Many theories have been explored to explain the poor state of our nation’s’ children. However, a factor that has been ignored, particularly among child and family policymakers, is the impact and devastating effects of father absence in children’s lives.

The studies repeatedly show that children without fathers positively present in the home suffer greatly. Even before a child is born, their father’s attitudes regarding the pregnancy, behaviors during the prenatal period, and the relationship between their father and mother may indirectly influence risk for adverse outcomes. In early childhood, studies show that school-aged children with good relationships with their fathers were experienced less depression, to exhibit disruptive behavior, or to lie. Overall, they were far more likely to exhibit abnormal behavior patterns.

• In teenage, the implications of fatherless homes are incredible, as these children are more likely to experience the effects of deprievement. Over the past two decades, fatherlessness has emerged as one of our greatest social problems. It is notable that children who grow up with absent-fathers can suffer non commensurable damage. They are more likely to end up in behavior problems or drop out of school, become addicted to drugs, involve in molestation or end up in prison. Fatherlessness is not the only cause of these things, but the society must recognize it is an important factor.
• Infact many individuals should be agreed to the fact that the lasting impact of a father in child’s life cannot be denied. Many would admit that they have struggled with feelings of abandonment and low self-esteem, due to the lack of a father’s love in their lives. Some have turned to smoking, alcohol, risky sexual activities, unhealthy relationships, or other destructive behaviors to supress the pains of fatherlessness.
• Although the absence of their father is not an isolated risk factor, it definitely can take a role on the development of children. This is important to keep in mind, as many feminists would argue that Mother is essential part and more significant than the father. That is simply not true. According to well known Child Psychologist Dr. Varun Rastogi,

  “Father is as essential for a child’s development as the mother is. you cant measure the importance of the parents individually on the basis of lesser or more requirement for the kids. The kids don’t measure on the basis of gender or availability. “

• The results of father absence on children are very impactful and disasterous, along a number of consequences, such as:
• The child looses self-concept, and compromised with physical and emotional security. Children consistently feel abandoned when their fathers are not involved in their lives, struggling with their emotions.
• Children always have Behavioral problems without a father. Absence of father make a child to feel more difficulties with social adjustment, and are more likely to face problems with friendships, and manifest behavior problems like many develop a swaggering, intimidating personalty in an attempt to disguise their fears, resentments, anxieties and unhappiness.
• They tend to be prone to absentee in schools and poor academic performance. More than 38% of school dropouts are fatherless or Single mother raising kids. Fatherless children have more trouble academically, even are the victim of Dyslexia, Low analytical bent of mind and are prone to be a bully, because they are attention seekers.
• High rate of crimes done by the youth have an absentee father; fatherless children are more likely to offend and go to jail as adults.
• Fatherless children are more likely to experience problems with sexual health, including a greater likelihood chance of eve teasing, slang language usage, girls manifest an object hunger for males, and in experiencing the emotional loss of their fathers egocentrically as a rejection of them, become susceptible to exploitation by adult men.
• Fatherless children are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, and abuse drugs in childhood and adulthood because the discipline and sense of supervision is waived.
• More like the kids who loses their father in teen stage are building up rigidness and most of the cases they don’t accept the responsibility for the family.
• Kids raised without father looses the sense of security and are at greater risk of suffering physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, being five times more likely to have experienced physical Abuse and emotional maltreatment. A recent study reported that preschoolers not living with both of their biological parents are 40 times more likely to be sexually abused.
• Children raised by single mother and separated significantly more psychosomatic health symptoms and illness such as acute and chronic pain, asthma, headaches, and stomach aches. These children are very prone to wide range of mental health problems, particularly anxiety, depression and suicide.
• As adults also fatherless children are more likely to experience unemployment, have low incomes, remain on social assistance, and experience less interested in growth and social participations,
• Children who have been separated from their fathers by matrimonial disputes and being living with mother hey always have many questions about his father. He feels mood swings with a mixture of Agony, Anger, resentments, regrets and emptiness. This state of mind they are inclined to refuse the trust over any relationship.
• The Mortality rate of the fatherless children is higher and they are more likely to die as children, and live an average of four years less over the life span.

Possibilities for Fathers separation for the kids

Dear Super Papas, Your kids need you whether they say it or not. They are carrying your DNA they have been produced from your blood cells. They are part of your own body which was carried by other body for 9 months but you carried it for years. So the soul given to them belongs to you. It is vital that you make every effort to become actively involved in your child’s life — whether you live in the same home as them or not. Here are some great ways to create healthy, positive engagement with your children

Speak positively to, and about, their mother. It is so important to be on the same page as their mother about what you desire your role to be, and what that will look like. This is especially important in situations where the relationship is severed through divorce or separation. Be clear and respectful, emphasizing your desire to be an involved father to your children. Also, speak positively about her in front of your children! You may have your disagreements at times, but your child needs to know that you respect their mother. They are just as much her child as they are theirs! Speaking poorly of their mother will only damage your relationship with them.

Create a clear vision about your roles. Twenty years from now, what do you hope your children say about you as a father? What do you hope they don’t say? Answering these questions will help you clarify your sense of purpose as a loving Papa and guide you in important decisions with your own children.

Be the bridge between your own father and your children. Whether or not you look to your father (or mother) as a model for parenting, the legacy of our parents, for better and for worse, lives inside each of us. This is why it’s important to explore and understand your family legacy, particularly your relationship with your father.

Establish a ritual dad time. One way to spend positive time with your child regularly is to create a Ritual Papa Time. Sometimes to get this you have to fight the system and judiciary. Put all your resources and efforts to get that quality time for your kids. Quality papa time is not meant to replace more frequent rituals like taking your kids to school or reading to them at bedtime. Get together the Papa and Juniors at least once a month.

Minimally for at least one to two hours with the child can do miracles. I know you have very bitter experience with your wife but keep your fight with her and offcourse she also looking for the same and its her expectation and wish.

If you reside far place then send some clothes and toys through online shopping. If your ex is rejecting then you can go to CAW or Bal Nidaan Kendra, if she is accepting that then also you are a winner. Write to the child welfare to put your ward in some good hostel so that the kid can have some neutral environment and the that Naagin cant put poison into your kids mind against you and society of men.

Make sure you have regular talk with your kids. Put everything if something is creating obstacle for the kids to meet its father. You don’t always need a distraction! Be consistent. The ritual does not have to be on the same day each month, but make sure it happens so your child can count on it. Try scheduling your next ritual time at the end of each time together!

Know your children. Every child craves the interest, attention, and presence of their primary caregivers.They need you to know who they are as unique individuals, not as vessels for our own grand plans or unrealized dreams. By becoming an expert about your children’s lives — knowing what a certain look on their face means.

Be known by your children. Letting your children know more about you through storytelling is a great way to strengthen your bond. What were you like at your child’s age? What mistakes did you make? How did you handle embarrassment? What were your friends’ parents like? Not only do stories humanize you and give children a sense of where they come from, but they can also be an effective way to initiate meaningful dialogue with your child.

I hope that you recognize your tremendous value as fathers! You can truly make a difference in the lives of your children, and the benefits will be long-lasting

While writing down this I got very emotional many times for my daughter, But while studying about this I was getting strength also. I am sharing this to the fathers who love their kids.